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My worst experience with my anxiety.

Monday, 10 April 2017
Okay, this type of post is a little different to what I usually do. I just fancied being a little more creative with my writing this week, do a little 'passage' if you like - see how it goes. Let me know what you think below, It'd mean the world to me.


"How did I get here again" I whispered to myself quietly. My heart was beating so quick it felt as if I had an earthquake in my chest, My stomach felt as if it was tied in knots and all I could hear was blurred out noises - I was having a panic attack to be specific the 2nd one this week. I struggle to take one more step away from my own front garden to make my way to the shop. My anxiety made this one short road look as if it was the longest street in the UK. I kept soldiering on, kept fighting - I wasn't prepared to let this illness win again, no chance.

I got to the shop and counted my change a few times to make sure I had the correct amount (getting something wrong was my worst fear). Before entering this tiny corner store which felt like a huge superstore with thousands of people staring at me with their piercing eyes. I picked up, well I can't remember what I picked up - perhaps milk for my mum and made my way to the checkout yet again, counting my change. I smiled at the cashier - she looked exhausted as if she'd been awake for far too long yet she still smiled back. I gave her the £1 for the milk, 2 20p coins, 1 10p coin and 1 50p coin to be exact and gently picked up my bag. I took a deep breath before I made my way back into the open.

I still felt slightly unsettled as I started to make my way home, my neighbourhood wasn't friendly and I was 100% aware of that (perhaps too much). It was as I was about to cross on a dual carriageway that my anxiety caused me to have an epiphany when I saw my worst fear at the time - a dog. The 'green man' was on and I took a step onto the road before I knew it, the light was back on red but my complete focus was on this dog that'd bolted away from it's owner, coming towards me, getting closer *BEEEEEEEEP* a large car was about to run into me, I turned around in shock, leaped on the pavement and it flew past.

At this point, I realised that my anxiety had put me in so much danger this day, If that car hadn't slowed, stopped, who knows?. I also realised another thing about my anxiety being it will strike at any time and me?, well I can either give in - let this win or carry on, fight it, scare it for a change, carry on with my life.

2 comments on "My worst experience with my anxiety."
  1. This sounds really horrible, I hope you will feel better soon. I've struggled with anxiety in the past and it's horrible :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was, It was a while back but I wanted to put people into the shoes of someone with anxiety and raise awareness. It's a difficult illness and I really admire everyone who has fought it or is fighting it.
      Charlie x

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